Author’s Note: I am in a great mood because my sister just had a baby. Her name is Zoha Raheem, she’s 7 lbs. 5 oz. She has really cute, soft, jet-black hair. Ok, back to the blog.
These are actual transcripts from meetings held by Madison Avenue marketing consultants, much like the elegant, dashing figures you see on “Mad Men,” discussing the names of the very top restaurants on Devon.
“We’ve got this meat product, it’s not 100% kabab, more like 75%. We can’t really call it kabab, but we want people to think it’s kabab. Something like “kabab lite,” “kabab like,” or “kababobly.”
“How can we shamelessly exploit our basic knowledge of Quranic Arabic to come up with a name that makes Muslim patrons say, “Mashallah, that sounds like a good place to get a fried, doughy puri. ?”
Result: TAHOORA SWEETS
“We’d like a name that suggests the hopeful optimism we had as undergraduates in Pakistan eating discount student biryani (made with real students!) while also subtly indicating to Shias that they’re unwelcome here.”
“I want to appeal to both desis and Anglo’s with a simple name that sounds like my lazy 14-year old could have made it up. Bonus if it rhymes.”
Result: GRILL AND CHILL
“My nanamama always sneered at me because all my siblings either became doctors or engineers while I became a cabbie. Driving a taxi has been good to me, so now I can afford this restaurant and I’d like to stick it to her.”
Result: GHAREEB NAWAZ