Comedy of Errors

This is my 50th post on WordPress. I wanted to do something special, something substantial. This post is about the search for spouses on (not to be confused with

The first question our community asks about pretty much anything is, “How much does it cost?” So how much does cost? Starting is free. This is a payment schedule tried and tested by drug dealers the world over.

“12 months for only US $ 149
Platinum Membership”

Let’s put that price in perspective. For a year’s worth of Platinum, you could buy

  • The DVD Boxed Sets for “Dexter,” “Heroes,” and “Prison Break.”
  • 3 Women’s Fragrance Sets by Clinique, Lancome, and Elizabeth Arden
  • MS Flight Simulator X, Warcraft III Set, and Civiliation IV

To register on, you have to give a username, password, and cell phone number. Pretty standard stuff. One of the strangest questions I saw was one about blood group. Desis seem to have this idea that one’s blood group is really important. I saw on GEO, the Urdu satellite channel, a diet based entirely on one’s blood group. And now is asking about it. Because if you’re O-, you can’t marry an AB+. That would be unthinkable, right?


So here are some excerpts of actual ads on followed by my scathing commentary.

“I’m _____, 26, from Fort Lauderdale, FL. Im outgoing, adventurous, and I love living life to its fullest. I never pass up an opportunity to travel, and I love meeting new people. Im looking for someone who I can be myself around and enjoy spending time with. . . Needless to say, I don’t get much spare time, but on the occasion do I get some time to myself, I enjoy going to the beach, spending time with friends, movies, sports (playing or watching), dining, shopping, attending live musical performances, and reading.
Im into biographies/autobiographies. I find reading about peoples extraordinary lives extremely fascinating.
Like I said, I love meeting new people, so drop me a line! I WILL NOT talk to you if you dont have a pic. Fair is fair.”

She enjoys going to the beach? Does she wear a bikini? How liberal is this sister?

She’s inconsistent with her contractions. At the beginning she says, “I’m” which is perfectly correct. But then she uses “Im” a couple times. And in the second-to-last sentence she uses “dont” which of course should be “don’t.” Guess what her profession is? She’s a teacher – so she should definitely know better.

Let’s get back to the second-to-last sentence: “I WILL NOT talk to you if you dont have a pic.” As we all know, using caps online is like shouting. So this is something she wants to emphasize. Why can’t she even talk to someone who doesn’t want their face plastered all over the internet? What is she afraid of? Some sweet guy who looks like Quasimodo?

Here’s another one:

“”I’m excited to be part of this site… thought I’d give it a try to meet people. This is it buddies, my time to look… and good luck to other who are already in this challenge! I am not looking to impress, intimidate, nor judge. I am pretty carefree person with a broad-mind. However, I greatly honor my roots and religion, and come from an excellet upbringing. I am looking for a witty, fun, yet a compassionate life partner. Education is a must, and a good sense of humor to laugh over all the mistakes we will make together is even more critical. I don’t expect people to hit a perfect relationship, but the strongest ones are those where people can grow togther. I should stop talking now and let you get in touch with me.”

This one is kind of sweet, so I feel a little bad making fun of it, but not so bad that I’m going to stop. I like the sentence, “I am not looking to impress, intimidate, nor judge.” I totally agree with those sentiments. I do have to point out that she says she comes “from an excellet upbringing.” Clearly that upbringing didn’t teach her how to spell or use spell-check. If this is the way you want to be seen in front of the entire internet, shouldn’t you at least proofread? C’mon people.

Last one, I promise:

“I am placing this ad for my sister she is 28 about 5″4 born in India and raised in Middle East. As her brother i can say that my sister is a calm and easy going person. she is also very fun loving & friendly and has a very good sense of humour Also i consider herself to be assertive and hardworking. She respects her elders and also looks out for her youngers. We are a decent and respectable family raised in Saudi. As a result we have learned to balance both islamic values and the modern world, And we are looking for a person with similar values a balance of deen and duniya. and somone who will take care of my sister. She currently works for berkeley bank in Mumbai. She is strongly career oriented and looking for a partner who would support her in all the endeavors of life and of course he could expect the same. A level headed and gem of a person. She is currently visting me (her brother) in the U. S. If u like her profile u can email her an email address and a pic would be helpfull.”

It’s amazing how many women describe themselves as “easy-going.” But seriously, who’s going to say the opposite – “I’m rigid, inflexible, and unreasonable. If that’s what you’re looking for, IM me.”?

Apparently this ad was taken out by a concerned brother. But he doesn’t seem to be concerned with the rules of English grammar. In the second sentence, he fails to capitalize “i.” This is a mistake that even a fifth-grade should not make. He also starts new sentences without placing periods as he does here, “sense of humour Also i consider herself.” And he’s failed to capitalize “i” again. His worst and most annoying breach comes at the end, “If u like her profile u can email her an email address and a pic would be helpfull.” I think the way this sentence is supposed to read is, “If you like her profile, you can email her an email address and a pic would be helpful.” Texting is destroying our sense of English. When “you” want to say “you,” don’t use “u.”

Take Home Points

A couple of things should be apparent now. First, we, as a community, aren’t taking the search for spouses very seriously. We are more concerned with complexion and height than with the things that really matter like character and faith. Also, if we don’t even take the time to put these ads through Spell Check, what does that say about us? Would any of us submit resumes with this kind of apathy? This means that we care more about our jobs than about the people with whom we plan to spend the rest of our lives and with whom we hope to have children.


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  1. #1 by Jah Rastafari on August 18, 2008 - 2:01 am

    Jah Rastafari would like to point out that his grammar and spelling at times is flawed – but hopes that wifey would over look such minor mistakes. I mean if she can’t overlook my spelling how is she going to over look my insomnia, and obsession with obscure 90’s hip hop?

    Jah Rastafari would also like to note that your conclusion could have been better supported. As an educator you should know better.

    Finally, Jah Rastafari would like to invite you to hook up with a brother, sometime, when you are not busy – hop the train to your alma mater, my number has not changed.

    Keep rising like the cable rates!

  2. #2 by Exquisite on August 18, 2008 - 3:43 am

    It seems that you are an English teacher to be, so now I have to get my act straight since my posts and comments too are under scrutiny of a wise, very thorough and living spellchecker 😀
    Good day friend!

  3. #3 by B on December 1, 2008 - 10:26 am

    Most profiles in suffer from bad english. And this is all the more appalling since the ppl there are supposedly doctors, engineers, managers and what not. U will find tons of funnier profiles there if u just look round..

    Thanks for this one though..

  4. #4 by Reanna Onley on September 12, 2011 - 3:54 am

    I savor, lead to I discovered exactly what I used to be having a look for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

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