Life’s Too Short to Read This Post

People say life is short, even that it’s too short. “Life’s too short to waste time with people you don’t like.” “Life’s too short so eat dessert first.”

For one, life’s not short. It’s long and getting longer. It used to be common for women to die in their twenties in childbirth. Now that’s pretty rare, at least in industrialized nations. In 2009, it’s common for women to live past 100.

Have you seen the Today show? They have a segment wishing people, “Happy 100th Birthday!” Every weekday, Willard Scott announces the names of people who have lived to be 100. People turn 100 all the time.

100 years seems like a long time, but I suppose it’s all relative. Compared to the estimated age of the earth, 4.5 billion years, 100 years is a brief moment. But really, is anyone interested in living for a billion years? Eventually, you solve every possible crossword and every imaginable sudoku and you get seriously bored. Really, even vampires have to get tired of life after 60 million years. Drinking blood for seven digits has to be Hell.

Back to that old line about life being too short to spend with people you hate, I think that’s backwards. In reality, life’s too long for people you hate. I think I’d be a funny old person. If I didn’t like someone, I’d say, “I got tired of you 57 years ago.”

That’s got to be one of the all-time great reasons to be a fruit fly. They have a lifespan of about two weeks. Two weeks?!?! You’d never make any enemies. You know if that guy at school or at work that you hate only had two weeks left, you’d be living it up. You might even get the dude a donut. Saying, “enjoy the powdered sugar” while thinking,   “never have to look at your sorry face again.”

Re: Former President George W. Bush

Revisiting the topic of my last post, I need to make some clarifications. First, despite the title of the post, I do not think George W. Bush is the worst president elected by any democratic nation in the annals of human history. Perhaps someday I will write a post in which I select the most awful president of all time, explaining why I find that president to be particularly odious, but that was not the purpose of the last post. Also, I know that is easy to mock our former President and I normally do not take cheap shots at sitting targets.

All I was trying to say with the last post is that I see a significant difference in the attitude toward the Constitution of President George W. Bush and the attitude of Barack H. Obama. Also, I think it is quite alarming for a U.S. President to refer to the U.S. Constitution in the insulting language that Bush allegedly used. To be fair, one should say “allegedly” because it is possible that someone misquoted him. It would serve the agenda of a certain political party to assert that he said what he allegedly said. His words may have been edited, re-cast, re-imagined, or even wholly invented by his political enemies to demean him. Also, maybe Bush said those words in a context that do not connote a complete disrespect for the Supreme Law of the Land. However, I am inclined to believe that he did, in fact, say what he allegedly said, for at least two reasons. First, within the context of a discussion of the PATRIOT Act, it seems likely that someone would raise the issue of constitutionality and it also seems likely that President Bush would denounce such a concern. Second, it is wholly consistent with the Bush presidency and the Bush persona as I understand them, to say things that are a) poorly thought out and b) deeply disturbing to people with respect for the American presidency. If any of my readers are fervent supporters of President Bush, they should feel totally comfortable disagreeing with me, and I will gladly post their opinions here.

George W. Bush – Awful President or the awful-est President?

GOP leaders told Bush that his hardcore push to renew the more onerous provisions of the act (USA PATRIOT Act) could further alienate conservatives still mad at the President from his botched attempt to nominate White House Counsel Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.

“I don’t give a goddamn,” Bush retorted. “I’m the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way.”

“Mr. President,” one aide in the meeting said. “There is a valid case that the provisions in this law undermine the Constitution.”

“Stop throwing the Constitution in my face,” Bush screamed back. “It’s

just a goddamned piece of paper!”

By the way, our current President is a scholar of Constitutional Law. Need I say more?

(Thanks to Doug Thompson of Capitol Hill Blue – http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/publish/article_7779.shtml)

 

We’re Number One! We’re Number One?

Americans often boast proudly about how their country is the greatest nation on Earth. But how does that claim fare under critical analysis?

In life expectancy, the U.S. ranks 50th out of 224, between Wallis and Futuna and Albania. If you’d like to live long and prosper, you should move to Macau. https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2102rank.html

Among adults age  25 to 34, the U.S. is ninth among industrialized nations in the share of its population that has at least a high school degree. Top-ranked countries included Finland, Korea, the Netherlands, Japan, Canada and Belgium.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/09/13/national/main838207.shtml

What about democracy? That should be an easy win for the U.S. Hardly. The U.S. comes in 17th. Sweden is number 1. http://www.economist.com/media/pdf/Democracy_Index_2007_v3.pdf

In a measure of political corruptness where #1 is the least corrupt, the U.S. ranked 18th. The same study judged Denmark to be squeaky clean and Somalia to be severely tainted. Note: I am not making any statement about the morality of individuals in any of these countries, that is not what’s being measured. This is a measure of the perceived level of corruption within the governments of these countries based on surveys.

However, the U.S. does rank #1 in a few categories, including global competitiveness, e-readiness, and patents filed per year. I hesitate to include the last one, as its been measured by the U.S. Patent Office, and that doesn’t seem unbiased. In case you’re wondering, e-readiness refers to the ability of a country to leverage digital communication for economic and social development. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_rankings_of_the_United_States.

Perhaps it’s time to stop shouting “We’re number 1,” unless we follow that with the less inspiring “in e-readiness according to The Economist.”

[Image courtesy of http://blogs.oracle.com/talkingidentity/2008/08/]

Ten Fake Words and Phrases That Delight Asad123

10. tomacco
A strange genetic hybrid of a tomato and a tobacco leaf fused together by nuclear energy. Only exists in the world of The Simpsons.

9. quidditch
I’m not the biggest fan of Harry Potter, but I have to admit that this combination of soccer and polo played while flying on broomsticks is pretty cool.

8. grok
This is a verb that means “to understand.” Originally from Robert Heinlein’s sci-fi classic, “Stranger in a Strange Land,” the word had a brief run of popularity in the 60’s.

7. truthishly
From “Family Guy,” this word is uttered by Brian’s impossibly ditzy girlfriend, and roughly translates to “honestly.”

6. woot
An exclamation of surprise that was all the rage circa 2004

5. master of your domain
From the vast Seinfeld lexicon comes this phrase that refers to a person who has the willpower to keep himself or herself from manipulating his or her genitals for pleasure.

4. Shnikes
A mild exclamation used in place of more salty language, popularized by my APUSH teacher.

3. strategory
Invented by the writers of SNL, this word began its life in a parody of a George W. Bush speech. Rumor has it that it made its way to the White House as the Bush administration sought to own a term pejoratively used against it. It means “strategic.”

2. jigawatt
It was probably supposed to be gigawatt, but movie fans of a certain generation will never forget this mangled name of a unit spoken by Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) in the “Back to the Future” trilogy.

1. sacrilicious
A portmanteau (look it up) of sacrilegious and delicious used by Homer Simpson to describe a pancake he thought was God.

Music in Islam: Halal or Haram?

I will begin with a disclaimer. I am a student of Islam not an authority on Islam. I do not pretend to speak for all Muslims or even any Muslim other than myself. I fully respect others who disagree with me. My aim is neither to promote nor to deter a certain type of behavior. Rather I intend to present evidence so that readers may make informed decisions.

Listening to music is permissible in Islam, within certain limitations, based on authoritative evidence. Music is not Halal because I say so but because the divinely inspired Sunnah says so.  Only Allah has the power to make something halal (permitted) or haram (prohibited) within Islamic law. If one doubts that Allah alone has this power, one need only look to Surah Tahreem. It says, “O Prophet! Why holdest thou to be forbidden that which Allah has made lawful to thee?” (66:1, Yusuf Ali trans.) Not even Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had the power to dictate the permitted and the prohibited.

Only a narrow domain of actions are prohibited while an expansive galaxy of actions is permitted. In a dispute over the permissibility of an action, the burden of proof lies on the person arguing for prohibition.  It would be impractical for the Quran and Sunnah to list all the things which are permitted. Instead Allah has chosen to inform us of the narrow domain of prohibited actions, with the understanding that actions He has not mentioned are permitted. Also, rather than delineating each possible individual case, like saying murdering parents is prohibited, murdering spouses is prohibited, and so on, actions are grouped into broad categories. Islam says, all murder, defined as the unjustified taking of human life, is prohibited. Since the burden of proof is on the one arguing for prohibition, if both I and my opponent present weak unconvincing evidence, I win because my opponent has not met the burden of proof while I have no burden of proof to meet. Pretty cool, huh? I could still lose, however, if my opponent presents strong evidence of the prohibition of music and I present weak evidence of its permissibility.

On joyous occasions, the Prophet (S) not only allowed, but encouraged the playing of music. One tradition that supports this claim comes from the collection of Ibn Majah who reports that Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

Aishah, a wife of the Prophet,  gave a girl relative of hers in marriage to a man of the Ansar. The Prophet (S) came and asked, ‘Did you send a singer along with her?’  ’No,’ said Aishah. The Messenger of Allah (S) then said, ‘The Ansar are a people who love poetry. You should have sent along someone who would sing, ‘Here we come, to you we come, greet us as we greet you.’ “

What’s interesting about this tradition is that the Prophet (S) is not only saying music is permitted, he is saying that, at a wedding, it is preferable to have music than to go without.  He even suggests a few verses to be sung, lending support to the idea that he himself was one who enjoyed music.

In the authentic collections of Imam al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim, one finds the following:

Aishah narrated that during the days of Mina, on the day of Eid ul-Adha, two girls were with her, singing and playing on a hand drum. The Prophet (S) was present, listening to them with his head under a shawl. Abu Bakr then entered and scolded the girls. The Prophet (S), uncovering his face, told him, ‘Let them be, Abu Bakr. These are the days of Eid.

In his masterwork, Ihya Ulum-al-Deen (Revival of the Religious Sciences), Imam al-Ghazzali, mentions a story of Abyssinians (Ethiopians) dancing with spears in the Prophet’s Masjid. When the Prophet (S) observed this, he said, “Carry on, O Bani Arfidah ( a name applied to the Ethiopians).” In addition, he asked his wife, Aishah, “Would you like to watch?” (WP is acting up and will not allow me to remove this underlining.)

If music were haram, this story would make no sense. Why would the Prophet (S) allow foreigners to come into his own masjid and desecrate it with unlawful entertainment? Why would he invite his wife to partake in something forbidden?

However, the status of music as halal does not mean Muslims can listen to any song, any time, for any purpose. In his book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam, Dr. Yusuf al-Qardawi, argues that certain limitations apply to music in Islam. In summary, these are the limitations:

1. If the music has lyrics, the lyrics should not conflict with the teachings of Islam.

2. Singing must not be sexually suggestive or obscene.

3. Muslims should not indulge in music to the point of excess. When a Muslim spends so much time on music that it interferes with his obligations as a Muslim, he is in danger.

4. If one finds that a certain type of music impels one to feel or to behave in a way that draws one away from Allah and away from Islam, one should avoid it.

5. Music must never accompany prohibited activities like drinking alcohol or gambling.

One final point remains. Those who say Islam prohibits music point to a specific Quranic verse that states,

And among the people is the one who buys idle talk (at the expense of his soul) in order to lead (people) astray from the path of Allah without knowledge, holdng it in mockery; for such there will be a humiliating punishment. (31:6, English trans. from Qardawi)

A refutation of this point comes from none less than the Andalusian Islamic philosopher, Ibn Hazm, a man so oft quoted that the phrase, “Ibn Hazm said . . .” became a proverb in his time. Ibn Hazm said:

This verse condemns a particular behavior, that of doing something to mock the path of Allah . . . It is this type of behavior which is condemned by Allah and not the idle talk in which one may indulge for mere relaxation, without intending to lead people astray from the path of Allah.

Therefore, the Quran does not prohibit music. I welcome comments from people on both sides of this issue, but please, no spam.

The Craziest Thing I’ve Seen

Domestic Violence Khutba

Today I had the rare treat of listening to a khutba (sermon) delivered by a good friend of mine, Dr. Kamran Riaz. We were classmates at the University of Illinois at Chicago from 2000 to 2003. (He graduated early.) I arrived at the masjid, the Downtown Islamic Center, a couple minutes before he did. As is my routine, I offered two raka of salat (cycles of prayer) and started reading Quran. I did not see him enter but he saw me. I did not know he was scheduled to speak today but I was glad when I discovered it.

He began the khutba with a verse of the Quran, “We have honored the sons of Adam; provided them with transport on land and sea; given them for sustenance things good and pure; and conferred on them special [favors], above a great part of our creation (17:70).”  He spoke of how all people descend from a common father, the Prophet Adam, or Adham, alaihis salaam. Unlike Christians and Jews who call themselves “Children of God,” Muslims call themselves “Children of Adam.”

Kamran went on to discuss the sacredness of life in Islam. Though Muslims have strayed far from it, and to their detriment, Classical Islam emphasized respect for all life. Islamic law commands that Muslims wage war only on combatants, sparing women, children, animals, and plants. Even in cases that allow using violence, Islam sets guidelines. Another guideline is to avoid striking the face. Also, Islamic dietary laws place strict conditions on the slaughtering of animals to promote humane treatment of living things. It is true that other religions have categorically forbidden the eating of meat. Yet some religions place no restrictions at all on diet. In this matter, as in many others, Islam represents a middle path, making concessions to human nature, while respecting the sanctity of life.

Part of the beauty of human life is the family unit. Allah has created us within families. Though Kamran did not mention it, some organisms lack the familial structure that humans have. For example, Allah could have made us asexual like the Komodo dragon, a lizard that lays eggs which mature without fertilization. Yet by requiring that humans be born of a fused egg and sperm, Allah has united male and female into family units.

But how do we repay the favor of Allah? Instead of cherishing our families like we should, we turn our families into dysfunctional and abusive collectives. Kamran argued that some men are as gentle as lambs at work, but as ferocious as lions at home.

Thus we have a need to tackle the issue of domestic violence. For too long, the Muslim-American community has treated domestic violence as a taboo topic. But with men abusing women, women abusing men, parents abusing children, and children abusing elders, the problem is crying out for a solution. This is everybody’s problem. No race, no culture, no nationality, no gender, and no class can honestly claim that domestic violence does not affect them. The situation in which a female beats a male is no laughing matter. The home must be a violence-free zone.

A unique asset that Muslims possess in the struggle against domestic violence is the Prophetic Example. As Kamran reminded me today, “Prophet Muhammad (S) was not sent except as a Mercy to Mankind.” Historians can call him a prophet, a mystic, a general, a speaker, a teacher, or a reformer. Yet Muslims know that the fundamental objective of the mission of Prophet Muhammad was to spread the mercy of God. His companions watched his every move and remembered for generations his shining example. No one ever saw Muhammad (S) strike a woman, a child, or a slave. In fact, a slave who had served him since childhood said that he treated him with the utmost manners. When Muhammad (S) was upset with his slave, all he would do was say, “Why did you do such-and-such?” Immediately the slave would feel so ashamed that he would do whatever was asked of him. Neither would he raise his voice nor raise his hand.

Like all married men, Prophet Muhammad (S) had disagreements. Surah Tahreem touches on an incident of marital discord in which two of his wives conspired against a third. But unlike modern Muslims who turn to violence to solve problems, Muhammad (S) looked to Allah for answers. This is the type of noble patience that we should all strive to emulate.

Another bit of practical advice that comes from the Traditions of the Prophet is that one should strive to control one’s anger. Some people actually believe it is healthy to scream and curse at one’s spouse because “you need to let it out.” This is not the Islamic way. When one allows one’s anger to be in control, one opens the door to violence and misery. The Prophet (S) said to counter anger with relaxation. If one is angry and standing, one should sit down. If one is sitting down, one should lie down. Interestingly, the advice of W. Doyle Gentry, editor of the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, echoes Muhammad (S), advising angry people to find a quiet space, close their eyes, and imagine a positive experience (http://bit.ly/1xDuWb). We cannot avoid getting angry, but with patience and wisdom, we can avoid domestic violence.

(Just to be perfectly clear, the text above is not the text of Kamran’s khutba, except where explicitly indicated otherwise. This is my commentary on the topic that Kamran discussed, domestic violence.)

The Rules of Taylor Swift Songs

The Rules of Taylor Swift Songs

1. You can’t necessarily tell if someone is a boy or a girl from his/her first name.

Examples – Drew, Cory, Taylor

1. Lovers are always at each other’s windows.

Examples – Video for “You Belong With Me,” 

Lyrics of “Our Song,” - Our song is the slamming screen door/
Sneaking out late, tapping on your window 

Lyrics of “Love Story” - That you were Romeo/
You were throwing pebbles/
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet/
And I was crying on the staircase

1. Don’t stay inside when it’s raining.

Examples – “Fearless,”  “And I don’t know why but with you I’d dance /
In a storm in my best dress”

“Hey Stephen”
Can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain. . .

4.      Girls wear white dresses
Examples – Video for “You Belong With Me,” Lyrics of “Love Story” – “I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress” 

5.      Boys look like angels
“White Horse”
Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel/
Comes out just when you need it to 

“Hey Stephen”
Cause I can’t help it if you look like an angel

1. You mess with Taylor, you gotta deal with her dad.

“Love Story”

The Whole Song

 
“The Best Day”
I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger

“Picture to Burn”

And if you come around/
Saying sorry to me/
My daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you'll be

Photosynthesis Song

Photosynthesis Song

The popularity of my previous post – The Nitrogen Cycle Song has convinced me that there is a big market for science-themed songs. So I’ve come up with a little ditty about photosynthesis. Enjoy!

You start with water and carbon with an oxygen pair,

You end with sugar and the oxygen of air.[1]

But the plant has two other needs you have to fill,

It has to have light and chlorophyll.

It happens in little organs called chloroplasts

And you wouldn’t believe how fast.

Plants are busy while I’m making rhymes.

In one second, one step can happen a million times.[2]

Without plants, there’d be no food chain,

Then you couldn’t power your heart and brain.

We’ve got an energy problem we need to fix,

Plants make the power people need – times six.[3]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photosynthesis

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[1] The general equation for photosynthesis is:

2n CO₂ + 2n H₂A + photons → 2(CH₂O)_n + n O₂ + 2n A

carbon dioxide + electron donor + light energy → carbohydrate + oxygen + oxidized electron donor

[2] The third phase, the electron transport chain and ATP synthesis, takes place on the microsecond (1 microsecond (μs) = 10⁻⁶ s) to millisecond (1 millisecond (ms) = 10⁻³ s) time scale.

[3] The amount of energy trapped by photosynthesis is immense, approximately 100 terawatts which is about six times larger than the power consumption of human civilization.