Wondering

Wondering

Wondering if you’re as happy

As you look in pictures

Wondering who you’re talking to

Now that you don’t talk to me

Who listens to you describe that crazy patient?

Who is your sounding board?

Wondering about that no

That ended us

The choice that wasn’t

The life I wanted but without you

Or a life I hated, with you

Was it a hard no?

A gruff consonantal n

Long enunciated o

Meaning never

Not while human blood flows through human veins

Not even if I were the Omega Man

Or was it a soft, squishy no?

A gelatinous concoction

As in “No, not now.”

Or not yet.

Trapped between the n-shaped gate

And the circular enclosure

Formed by that word “no”

That old lie about sticks and stones

This “no” packed a wollop

But somehow

At the same time

Feeling so free

Not tied to any woman

Nor defined by anyone

Except myself

I suppose that’s not really true

I’m still defined

By my brother

By my mother

By my father

By my sister

By my Facebook friends

And by the greatest supporting cast

This side of “Scrubs”

But not you

And I’m wondering if I should feel guilty

That we both seem so much better

Apart