Ten Fake Words and Phrases That Delight Asad123

10. tomacco
A strange genetic hybrid of a tomato and a tobacco leaf fused together by nuclear energy. Only exists in the world of The Simpsons.

9. quidditch
I’m not the biggest fan of Harry Potter, but I have to admit that this combination of soccer and polo played while flying on broomsticks is pretty cool.

8. grok
This is a verb that means “to understand.” Originally from Robert Heinlein’s sci-fi classic, “Stranger in a Strange Land,” the word had a brief run of popularity in the 60’s.

7. truthishly
From “Family Guy,” this word is uttered by Brian’s impossibly ditzy girlfriend, and roughly translates to “honestly.”

6. woot
An exclamation of surprise that was all the rage circa 2004

5. master of your domain
From the vast Seinfeld lexicon comes this phrase that refers to a person who has the willpower to keep himself or herself from manipulating his or her genitals for pleasure.

4. Shnikes
A mild exclamation used in place of more salty language, popularized by my APUSH teacher.

3. strategory
Invented by the writers of SNL, this word began its life in a parody of a George W. Bush speech. Rumor has it that it made its way to the White House as the Bush administration sought to own a term pejoratively used against it. It means “strategic.”

2. jigawatt
It was probably supposed to be gigawatt, but movie fans of a certain generation will never forget this mangled name of a unit spoken by Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) in the “Back to the Future” trilogy.

1. sacrilicious
A portmanteau (look it up) of sacrilegious and delicious used by Homer Simpson to describe a pancake he thought was God.

Music in Islam: Halal or Haram?

I will begin with a disclaimer. I am a student of Islam not an authority on Islam. I do not pretend to speak for all Muslims or even any Muslim other than myself. I fully respect others who disagree with me. My aim is neither to promote nor to deter a certain type of behavior. Rather I intend to present evidence so that readers may make informed decisions.

Listening to music is permissible in Islam, within certain limitations, based on authoritative evidence. Music is not Halal because I say so but because the divinely inspired Sunnah says so.  Only Allah has the power to make something halal (permitted) or haram (prohibited) within Islamic law. If one doubts that Allah alone has this power, one need only look to Surah Tahreem. It says, “O Prophet! Why holdest thou to be forbidden that which Allah has made lawful to thee?” (66:1, Yusuf Ali trans.) Not even Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had the power to dictate the permitted and the prohibited.

Only a narrow domain of actions are prohibited while an expansive galaxy of actions is permitted. In a dispute over the permissibility of an action, the burden of proof lies on the person arguing for prohibition.  It would be impractical for the Quran and Sunnah to list all the things which are permitted. Instead Allah has chosen to inform us of the narrow domain of prohibited actions, with the understanding that actions He has not mentioned are permitted. Also, rather than delineating each possible individual case, like saying murdering parents is prohibited, murdering spouses is prohibited, and so on, actions are grouped into broad categories. Islam says, all murder, defined as the unjustified taking of human life, is prohibited. Since the burden of proof is on the one arguing for prohibition, if both I and my opponent present weak unconvincing evidence, I win because my opponent has not met the burden of proof while I have no burden of proof to meet. Pretty cool, huh? I could still lose, however, if my opponent presents strong evidence of the prohibition of music and I present weak evidence of its permissibility.

On joyous occasions, the Prophet (S) not only allowed, but encouraged the playing of music. One tradition that supports this claim comes from the collection of Ibn Majah who reports that Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

Aishah, a wife of the Prophet,  gave a girl relative of hers in marriage to a man of the Ansar. The Prophet (S) came and asked, ‘Did you send a singer along with her?’  ’No,’ said Aishah. The Messenger of Allah (S) then said, ‘The Ansar are a people who love poetry. You should have sent along someone who would sing, ‘Here we come, to you we come, greet us as we greet you.’ “

What’s interesting about this tradition is that the Prophet (S) is not only saying music is permitted, he is saying that, at a wedding, it is preferable to have music than to go without.  He even suggests a few verses to be sung, lending support to the idea that he himself was one who enjoyed music.

In the authentic collections of Imam al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim, one finds the following:

Aishah narrated that during the days of Mina, on the day of Eid ul-Adha, two girls were with her, singing and playing on a hand drum. The Prophet (S) was present, listening to them with his head under a shawl. Abu Bakr then entered and scolded the girls. The Prophet (S), uncovering his face, told him, ‘Let them be, Abu Bakr. These are the days of Eid.

In his masterwork, Ihya Ulum-al-Deen (Revival of the Religious Sciences), Imam al-Ghazzali, mentions a story of Abyssinians (Ethiopians) dancing with spears in the Prophet’s Masjid. When the Prophet (S) observed this, he said, “Carry on, O Bani Arfidah ( a name applied to the Ethiopians).” In addition, he asked his wife, Aishah, “Would you like to watch?” (WP is acting up and will not allow me to remove this underlining.)

If music were haram, this story would make no sense. Why would the Prophet (S) allow foreigners to come into his own masjid and desecrate it with unlawful entertainment? Why would he invite his wife to partake in something forbidden?

However, the status of music as halal does not mean Muslims can listen to any song, any time, for any purpose. In his book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam, Dr. Yusuf al-Qardawi, argues that certain limitations apply to music in Islam. In summary, these are the limitations:

1. If the music has lyrics, the lyrics should not conflict with the teachings of Islam.

2. Singing must not be sexually suggestive or obscene.

3. Muslims should not indulge in music to the point of excess. When a Muslim spends so much time on music that it interferes with his obligations as a Muslim, he is in danger.

4. If one finds that a certain type of music impels one to feel or to behave in a way that draws one away from Allah and away from Islam, one should avoid it.

5. Music must never accompany prohibited activities like drinking alcohol or gambling.

One final point remains. Those who say Islam prohibits music point to a specific Quranic verse that states,

And among the people is the one who buys idle talk (at the expense of his soul) in order to lead (people) astray from the path of Allah without knowledge, holdng it in mockery; for such there will be a humiliating punishment. (31:6, English trans. from Qardawi)

A refutation of this point comes from none less than the Andalusian Islamic philosopher, Ibn Hazm, a man so oft quoted that the phrase, “Ibn Hazm said . . .” became a proverb in his time. Ibn Hazm said:

This verse condemns a particular behavior, that of doing something to mock the path of Allah . . . It is this type of behavior which is condemned by Allah and not the idle talk in which one may indulge for mere relaxation, without intending to lead people astray from the path of Allah.

Therefore, the Quran does not prohibit music. I welcome comments from people on both sides of this issue, but please, no spam.

The Craziest Thing I’ve Seen

Domestic Violence Khutba

Today I had the rare treat of listening to a khutba (sermon) delivered by a good friend of mine, Dr. Kamran Riaz. We were classmates at the University of Illinois at Chicago from 2000 to 2003. (He graduated early.) I arrived at the masjid, the Downtown Islamic Center, a couple minutes before he did. As is my routine, I offered two raka of salat (cycles of prayer) and started reading Quran. I did not see him enter but he saw me. I did not know he was scheduled to speak today but I was glad when I discovered it.

He began the khutba with a verse of the Quran, “We have honored the sons of Adam; provided them with transport on land and sea; given them for sustenance things good and pure; and conferred on them special [favors], above a great part of our creation (17:70).”  He spoke of how all people descend from a common father, the Prophet Adam, or Adham, alaihis salaam. Unlike Christians and Jews who call themselves “Children of God,” Muslims call themselves “Children of Adam.”

Kamran went on to discuss the sacredness of life in Islam. Though Muslims have strayed far from it, and to their detriment, Classical Islam emphasized respect for all life. Islamic law commands that Muslims wage war only on combatants, sparing women, children, animals, and plants. Even in cases that allow using violence, Islam sets guidelines. Another guideline is to avoid striking the face. Also, Islamic dietary laws place strict conditions on the slaughtering of animals to promote humane treatment of living things. It is true that other religions have categorically forbidden the eating of meat. Yet some religions place no restrictions at all on diet. In this matter, as in many others, Islam represents a middle path, making concessions to human nature, while respecting the sanctity of life.

Part of the beauty of human life is the family unit. Allah has created us within families. Though Kamran did not mention it, some organisms lack the familial structure that humans have. For example, Allah could have made us asexual like the Komodo dragon, a lizard that lays eggs which mature without fertilization. Yet by requiring that humans be born of a fused egg and sperm, Allah has united male and female into family units.

But how do we repay the favor of Allah? Instead of cherishing our families like we should, we turn our families into dysfunctional and abusive collectives. Kamran argued that some men are as gentle as lambs at work, but as ferocious as lions at home.

Thus we have a need to tackle the issue of domestic violence. For too long, the Muslim-American community has treated domestic violence as a taboo topic. But with men abusing women, women abusing men, parents abusing children, and children abusing elders, the problem is crying out for a solution. This is everybody’s problem. No race, no culture, no nationality, no gender, and no class can honestly claim that domestic violence does not affect them. The situation in which a female beats a male is no laughing matter. The home must be a violence-free zone.

A unique asset that Muslims possess in the struggle against domestic violence is the Prophetic Example. As Kamran reminded me today, “Prophet Muhammad (S) was not sent except as a Mercy to Mankind.” Historians can call him a prophet, a mystic, a general, a speaker, a teacher, or a reformer. Yet Muslims know that the fundamental objective of the mission of Prophet Muhammad was to spread the mercy of God. His companions watched his every move and remembered for generations his shining example. No one ever saw Muhammad (S) strike a woman, a child, or a slave. In fact, a slave who had served him since childhood said that he treated him with the utmost manners. When Muhammad (S) was upset with his slave, all he would do was say, “Why did you do such-and-such?” Immediately the slave would feel so ashamed that he would do whatever was asked of him. Neither would he raise his voice nor raise his hand.

Like all married men, Prophet Muhammad (S) had disagreements. Surah Tahreem touches on an incident of marital discord in which two of his wives conspired against a third. But unlike modern Muslims who turn to violence to solve problems, Muhammad (S) looked to Allah for answers. This is the type of noble patience that we should all strive to emulate.

Another bit of practical advice that comes from the Traditions of the Prophet is that one should strive to control one’s anger. Some people actually believe it is healthy to scream and curse at one’s spouse because “you need to let it out.” This is not the Islamic way. When one allows one’s anger to be in control, one opens the door to violence and misery. The Prophet (S) said to counter anger with relaxation. If one is angry and standing, one should sit down. If one is sitting down, one should lie down. Interestingly, the advice of W. Doyle Gentry, editor of the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, echoes Muhammad (S), advising angry people to find a quiet space, close their eyes, and imagine a positive experience (http://bit.ly/1xDuWb). We cannot avoid getting angry, but with patience and wisdom, we can avoid domestic violence.

(Just to be perfectly clear, the text above is not the text of Kamran’s khutba, except where explicitly indicated otherwise. This is my commentary on the topic that Kamran discussed, domestic violence.)

The Rules of Taylor Swift Songs

The Rules of Taylor Swift Songs

1. You can’t necessarily tell if someone is a boy or a girl from his/her first name.

Examples – Drew, Cory, Taylor

1. Lovers are always at each other’s windows.

Examples – Video for “You Belong With Me,” 

Lyrics of “Our Song,” - Our song is the slamming screen door/
Sneaking out late, tapping on your window 

Lyrics of “Love Story” - That you were Romeo/
You were throwing pebbles/
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet/
And I was crying on the staircase

1. Don’t stay inside when it’s raining.

Examples – “Fearless,”  “And I don’t know why but with you I’d dance /
In a storm in my best dress”

“Hey Stephen”
Can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain. . .

4.      Girls wear white dresses
Examples – Video for “You Belong With Me,” Lyrics of “Love Story” – “I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress” 

5.      Boys look like angels
“White Horse”
Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel/
Comes out just when you need it to 

“Hey Stephen”
Cause I can’t help it if you look like an angel

1. You mess with Taylor, you gotta deal with her dad.

“Love Story”

The Whole Song

 
“The Best Day”
I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger

“Picture to Burn”

And if you come around/
Saying sorry to me/
My daddy’s gonna show you how sorry you'll be

Photosynthesis Song

Photosynthesis Song

The popularity of my previous post – The Nitrogen Cycle Song has convinced me that there is a big market for science-themed songs. So I’ve come up with a little ditty about photosynthesis. Enjoy!

You start with water and carbon with an oxygen pair,

You end with sugar and the oxygen of air.[1]

But the plant has two other needs you have to fill,

It has to have light and chlorophyll.

It happens in little organs called chloroplasts

And you wouldn’t believe how fast.

Plants are busy while I’m making rhymes.

In one second, one step can happen a million times.[2]

Without plants, there’d be no food chain,

Then you couldn’t power your heart and brain.

We’ve got an energy problem we need to fix,

Plants make the power people need – times six.[3]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photosynthesis

---

[1] The general equation for photosynthesis is:

2n CO₂ + 2n H₂A + photons → 2(CH₂O)_n + n O₂ + 2n A

carbon dioxide + electron donor + light energy → carbohydrate + oxygen + oxidized electron donor

[2] The third phase, the electron transport chain and ATP synthesis, takes place on the microsecond (1 microsecond (μs) = 10⁻⁶ s) to millisecond (1 millisecond (ms) = 10⁻³ s) time scale.

[3] The amount of energy trapped by photosynthesis is immense, approximately 100 terawatts which is about six times larger than the power consumption of human civilization.

Song Analysis – We Weren’t Born To Follow – Bon Jovi

[Who is it that wasn’t born to follow? We can look at it narrowly and interpret the words to mean that the band, Bon Jovi, wasn’t born to follow. But I think the song has a broader scope. It could easily apply to the United States. Americans do not see themselves as followers, but as leaders. It could have an even broader application and refer to all people. Maybe no man or woman was born to follow. Humans are endowed with significant brain power and formidable strength. Most of us are born with the potential to lead. Notice that Bon Jovi isn’t talking about whether or not people follow in reality. Instead he’s talking about destiny. The “we” he’s talking about, weren’t destined to be followers.]

This one goes out to the man who mines for miracles
This one goes out to the ones in need
This one goes out to the sinner and the cynical
This ain’t about no apology
This road was paved by the hopeless and the hungry
This road was paved by the winds of change
Walking beside the guilty and the innocent
How will you raise your hand when they call your name?
Yeah, yeah, yeah

[The song begins with a look at a man who “mines for miracles.” Most of us don’t realize what a difficult thing it is to be a miner. Miners toil miles underground in a cramped space of almost total darkness. Mining for miracles suggests searching long and hard for something precious. It’s interesting how the speaker pairs “the sinner and the cynical.” These are two distinct types of people although not mutually exclusive ones. The sinner is one who has made mistakes before God. The cynical person refuses to believe. A sinner may still have faith and a cynical person may eschew sin.

When he says the song isn’t about an apology, he’s setting a bold, courageous tone. I like the line, “This road was paved by the hopeless and the hungry.” In a literal sense, our roads are built by people in the lower strata of society. When we are driving or riding in cars, how often do we stop to think about the work it took to construct the roads right beneath our feet? We don’t pay these people a lot or sow our gratitude to them, but without their work, our quality of life would be much less. In a figurative sense, “paving the way” means making a journey easier for the one who will follow you. I feel like this line is speaking about my parents, who came to the U.S. in the 1970’s, who struggled against racism and hard economic realities in order to make life easier for my generation.

Near the end of this stanza, Bon Jovi asks, “How will you raise your hand when they call your name?” This follows a line about guilt and innocence. I think what Bon Jovi is hinting at is that we will all face judgment. Judgment comes in many forms – from the way neighbors judge a new arrival to a suburb, to the way courts judge plaintiffs and defendants, to the Day of Judgment when all of humanity will testify before Allah. He is saying that in the mere act of raising one’s hand, one may reveal one’s guilt or innocence. ]
We weren’t born to follow
Come on and get up off your knees
When life is a bitter pill to swallow
You gotta hold on to what you believe
Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow
And that your saints and sinners bleed
We weren’t born to follow
You gotta stand up for what you believe
Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah

[Here is where the title of the song first appears. Being on one’s knees suggests servitude or even begging. It represents an extreme form of following. It’s possible that there is a hidden political statement here. Many Americans are concerned about the extent to which Middle Eastern oil barons and Chinese industrialists control our republic. Maybe Bon Jovi is telling Congressmen to stop kowtowing to foreign interests. He stresses the importance of staying true to one believes. He’s talking about living by principles rather than being a shill to the dollar. He connects living by principles to optimism – the belief that “the sun will shine tomorrow.” I think one can argue that pessimists can be true to their principles too, but extreme pessimism and depression lead people into desperation. When people are desperate, they often compromise or even abandon their principles just to survive.

But Bon Jovi tempers this optimism with a dose of reality, saying “And [believe] that your saints and sinners bleed.” Regardless of one’s level of morality, one will suffer in life because that is the nature of existence. No true prophet would ever promise his followers freedom from suffering in this life. It may seem just that sinners suffer, but why do saints suffer? If people are following the path of God, why should they suffer? This is how God tests faith and makes it stronger. If saints lived happy, easy lives, then faith would be a simple act. People would believe in God and automatically their problems would disappear. How would anyone know if people believed in God for His own sake or just because it made their lives easy?  God wants to test if people truly believe in Him. When someone can lose their loved ones, their home, their job, their health or any of the blessings in his or her life, yet remain devoted to God, he or she shows a tremendous level of faith. When we experience hardship in life, but refuse to leave our principles, we fulfill our destinies that predict our future as strong, independent, thinking leaders.]

This one’s about anyone who does it differently
This one’s about the one who cusses and spits
This ain’t about our livin’ in a fantasy
This ain’t about givin’ up or givin’ in
Yeah, yeah, yeah

We weren’t born to follow
Come on and get up off your knees
When life is a bitter pill to swallow
You gotta hold on to what you believe
Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow
And that your saints and sinners bleed
We weren’t born to follow
You gotta stand up for what you believe
Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah x2

[guitar solo]

We weren’t born to follow
Come on and get up off your knees
When life is a bitter pill to swallow
You gotta hold on to what you believe
Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow
And that your saints and sinners bleed
We weren’t born to follow
You gotta stand up for what you believe
Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah x2

We weren’t born to follow – oh yeah x2

25,000

We did it! Thanks to my readers, this blog has surpassed 25,000 hits since March 16, 2008, the day of my first post. I   hope you keep coming back for more and keep telling your friends about this site.

What Happened to Chicago’s Olympic Bid?

Chicago will not be hosting the 2016 Olympics.

http://www.nbcchicago.com/

Mr. Jinnah

“No nation can rise to glory unless your women are side by side with you.” – Muhammad Ali Jinnah

I’m a deep admirer of Muhammad Ali Jinnah. It’s a travesty that the world reveres Gandhi and ignores Jinnah. Jinnah was far more pragmatic, far more diplomatic, and a far better leader in general than Gandhi. But I digress.

I’ve been looking online at famous quotations said by Muhammad Ali Jinnah. There are some great ones, and I considered writing a post composed only of his quotes. But instead, I’ve chosen to pick one and analyze it.

This quote shows the modernity in Jinnah’s thinking. He recognized that women matter. And not just in the social roles of wife, mother, daughter, and sister, though I would never minimize the importance of those roles, but women matter politically too.

But how does this idea square with Islam? Some brothers might like to quote the Hadith about how the Prophet (S) cursed nations that were headed by women. I’m not going to question the authenticity of that tradition.

But I think Jinnah’s quote fits well into the Islamic framework. Many of the Sahabah were women. The Prophet (S) welcomed questions from women. He also took the oath of allegiance from them. Also, we cannot turn back the clock and we cannot relegate women to the backseat. It is hard to imagine a scenario in which Islam will triumph as a nation while a majority of Muslim women remain illiterate and oppressed.

It’s a well known rule of thumb in MSA’s (Muslim Student Associations) that one sister is worth two brothers. Don’t get me wrong – Islam does not condone sexism in either direction. But this rule comes from the observation that generally, in American colleges, the sisters are much more involved in MSA, in generating publicity, in raising money, and in working diligently than their male counterparts.

Finally, look closely at history and you will see that nations that achieved glory were nations that empowered women. You can look at the Muslim ummah, the French revolution, England’s Elizabethan age and many other examples of brave men supported by strong women.